Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Love Language That Will Change Your Marriage

Have you heard of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? If you haven't, you should look it up, but I'll bring you up to speed for now. The book talks about the five different ways in which each of us prefers to receive love: quality time, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation and acts of service. We all have a different love language. Understanding your spouse's love language allows you to love him/her in the way they are most receptive. 

love languages

To determine your love language, you can take the quiz here
(This would be a great Valentine's Day activity!)

Knowing your spouses' love language is a great key to loving them well. However, I believe that it is equally, if not more, important to understand that most of us tend to show love in our own love language. We do this with good intentions. If we would love it, our spouse definitely would too, right? Wrong. We don't realize that what fills our love tank may not even register as an act of love to our spouse. This has happened plenty of times in my marriage and I'm sure it has happened in yours. 

Imagine it's your birthday and you've had your eyes on a pair of beautiful diamond earrings you saw at the mall. You subtly drop hints, but you never actually come out and ask for them (your love language is gifts). That day, your husband wakes up at the crack of dawn and sneaks out of bed. He cleans the house and then heads outside to wash your car (his love language is acts of service). You wake up and, while you're surprised, you can't help but feel disappointed about your "present" and your disappointment spills over into the rest of your day. Your husband wonders where he went wrong. Poor guy. He thought he was doing something so wonderful for his wife on her birthday, but it's almost as if she didn't even notice.

love languages

 Sound familiar? These situations happen more often then we realize, not just on special occasions. We go about our days feeling unloved and it's typically our own fault. We focus on the things our spouse isn't doing instead of the things they are doing. We have love language tunnel vision. All we can see in front of us are those diamond earrings that we didn't get so we miss the great love that's happening all around us.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love "does not insist on its own way." 
 This Valentine's Day, I challenge you to graciously receive your spouse's love. Whether it is delivered in a box with a pretty bow or comes in the form of a selfless act of service, know that it came from the heart. Make it a point to notice the little things your loved ones do for you. You may be surprised to find you are far more loved than you think you are.

Happy Valentine's Day! 



  1. Meagan, This is so very true. I'm glad to see a blogpost about it. I have often said that we use the love language that we would prefer to express our love to others - but that might not be their love language. You said it so well. Thanks for a great post. Your photo is awesome too - you look delightfully peaceful. Blessings, Amy

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind comment!