Thursday, May 11, 2017

To the Childless Woman on Mother's Day

To the Childless Woman on Mother's Day

 I'm writing you this letter today because I know that this week of celebration may be sparking some sadness in you. There are commercials on TV and the radio, cards, flowers and balloons in every store reminding you of what you already know: Mother's Day is coming up and you still are not a mom. While most every holiday magnifies the fact that you don't have children of your own, none stings quite as badly as this one. 

I don't know why this Mother's Day finds you childless. 

Maybe you're still single even though you always thought you'd be married with at least a couple of kids by now.

Maybe you are married, but your husband isn't ready for a baby.

Maybe you've been trying to get pregnant for what seems like an eternity. 

Maybe you're recovering from a miscarriage or mourning the devastating loss of a little one.

Maybe you've been given the heartbreaking news that you'll never have children of your own. 

Maybe you're impatiently waiting for a phone call that there's a child waiting for you to adopt or foster. 

Maybe you're a stepmom who never feels like you're good enough.

Maybe you don't want children at all, but you struggle with feeling like less of a woman because society tells you that motherhood is your primary purpose in life. 

Maybe you've lost all hope.

I know I could never begin to understand the pain of your circumstances, but whatever your situation, I know you're hurting while everyone else is celebrating. 

I know that you force yourself to put on a brave face even though you're dying inside. When people ask you when you're going to start a family or what you're waiting on you answer with grace although you can't stand everyone's invasive questions. I know that you lie to cover up your pain when you tell people you enjoy your freedom and your quiet, "easy" life. I know you feel like everyone is talking about you. You bet they're wondering if you're struggling with infertility or if your marriage is falling apart. 

I know what it feels like for your heart to ache as you hold someone else's baby and I know how it feels to be numb, not even wanting to be around babies anymore. I know that you sometimes roll your eyes when you see another pregnancy announcement on Facebook. I know you feel guilty for you lack of excitement for others. I know that you feel left out and like you don't fit in with your friends anymore. They seem to walk on egg shells around you as to not hurt your feelings.

I know about your Pinterest board; the one filled with nursery designs and pictures of irresistibly cute babies. I have one too. I know that sometimes you sneak over to the baby section at Target, imagining what it would be like to be shopping for your own baby while deep down feeling like you've lost your mind. 

I know that you're hurting. I know you feel empty. Lonely. Impatient. You feel hopeless. I know that sometimes you even feel angry. You ask God "why me?" But Jesus wanted me to tell you something this Mother's Day. 

He wanted me to tell you that childlessness does not define you.

Jesus wants you to know that your identity is not found in your circumstances; your identity is found in Him. You are not broken, unworthy, inadequate or less of a woman because you don't have or can't have children. The truth is, nothing in this world can dictate who we are. The only One who decides our identity is the One who created us. And the One who created you says:

You are loved

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17

You are chosen and you are God's special possession 

"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9

"For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession." Deuteronomy 7:6

You are God's masterpiece 

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

You are valuable

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

"What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor." Psalm 8:5

You are the dwelling place for the Holy Spirit

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own." 1 Corinthians 6:19

You are worth dying for

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

You are redeemed

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." Ephesians 1:7

You know what I realize when I read those statements about my identity in Christ? I see that God's love and His favor over my life do not require anything from me except that I believe and receive them. His promises don't say "once you are married, then you'll be redeemed" or "when you become a mom, then you'll be valuable to me." He takes us just as we are and He uses our pain for our good and His glory. 

I hope that your future is full of tiny fingers and toes, little league games and carpool lines, but until then I hope you will allow God to replace your sorrow with joy, your hopelessness with faith and your emptiness with the fullness of His love. I pray that you would come to know that your identity in Christ is unchanging and unconditional. Rest in that this Mother's Day. 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 
Psalm 34:18


  1. I have been there and I know that feeling! You are so right with everything you shared. I am now the adopted mother of two adult children, but I never forget that feeling of longing to be a mom. I also never forget that in order to become a mom, someone else had to give up their child. God bless you!

    1. Thank you for reading! I'm glad you can relate and I'm so glad that you were blessed with two babies of your own! Happy Mother's Day to you!

  2. What an exquisitely sensitive post! I love your heart for the woman who longs to become a mother but the points you make are appropriate for all who feel less than adequate. Knowing that our identity in Christ is what truly defines us is a truth that needs to shared over and over.

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    2. Thank you so much for the sweet compliment! You are right, we all need to be reminded of our identity in Christ. I know I do daily. Thank you for reading!

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